Week 71

It's true...I'm the ping-pong champion!

    Hello!  It has been such an amazing time this week full of miracles here in Kawagoe! It has only been one and a half months but it has been the best!! We also found out that Elder Bednar is coming to our mission to have a conference on October 18th!!!! I cried... No I didn't but I am so excited! It is going to be unreal. I am ready for the spirit to pierce my heart and tell me how I need to improve. Very excited. Also, we had a wedding in the ward and had the reception in the church. Sister Murayama got married and it was a great day.

     This week I felt prompted to talk about confidence and how it directly relates to obedience. Confidence in ourselves and in the Lord. First I want to talk about confidence in the Lord. There are so many times in life where people lose the faith and confidence in the Lord's promises. We often lose confidence in the Lord and give up on the Lord's will, when in reality it is because we have been giving up on Him. Either from pride, selfishness, or disobedience. Not even the pride of selfishness of thinking we are better than the Lord, but the unwillingness and desire to change when change is needed. We see needed change, are either too lazy or selfish to do it, and blame the Lord when He does not just give the change to us or bless us and we lose confidence in Him. Especially in disobedience. 

     As missionaries there are so many things that are against the rules here that would not be consididered disobedient in normal life. I have had times where I have wanted just to look up my friends or family on Facebook just to see a latest picture of how they are doing or see the wedding photo of my numerous friends getting married haha. But the people of Ammon did not bury 99% of their "weapons of rebellion." They did not keep a part for themselves. That little disobedience and pride would show a lack of faith and confidence in the Lord. It is the difference between testimony and conversion. Between knowing and actually doing. Conversion is an offering of self, of love, and of loyalty that we give to God in gratitude for the gift of testimony. When we say a little lie to someone, are disobedient in what we justify as a little thing, or we're too prideful to change, our testimony and knowledge might not be altered yet, but our conversion will. We are not showing that gratitude. And testimony is not enough. It will falter and fail. Because we can't fight against the spirit and win. When we are disobedient or fight against what we know to be true and refuse to convert ourselves, our testimony will eventually give out under the pressure because testimony brings increased personal accountability. The spirit will tell us what we are doing is wrong and we will give in to change... To conversion or apostasy. 

     In middle school, high school, and I will say college as well, teenagers are very self conscious and sometimes pretty down. But almost always it comes down to two things. The first, one that comes to everyone is the brutal life of being a teenager! Teenagers are brutal and people can get really hurt by what they say. They get down because of what other people would say to them. But the other half might be one that parents do not always stop to think about. One that adults often do as well. The lack of self-esteem that comes from disobedience to the Lord. Knowing that what we are doing is wrong and that guilt that comes in turn. Guilt which, when left unresolved, turns into projected anger or sadness. But some times parents see it and think, "oh, they are just teenagers they are in a mood swing." Or someone probably said something rude to them at school. That is true as well but also the latter happens more than people think I believe. We lose confidence in ourselves when do not keep the commandments because we lose sight of who we are. Sons and daughters of God. And we begin to identify ourselves with the names that others give us in order to fill the empty name tag that we now carry. It is like we just hand the marker around and allow people to write whatever name they want on there. But if we love God, do His will, and fear His judgment more than men's, we will have self-esteem. There is confidence in conversion, trial in testimony, and fear in faltering. Strength and confidence comes in obedience and conversion. Conversion is believing, exercising, repenting, experiencing, and becoming. As we love him and do His will we will be confident in Him, feel His love, and in turn be confident in ourselves. 

     I have changed so much on my mission. I have finally found true confidence in myself. I am becoming who HE wants me to be! I now carry two names on my name tag. Not many people know this I guess but I was so self conscious about who I was before my mission. About how I looked, what I said, what other people thought... About what God thought. But now I have self-esteem and pure joy every day!!:) because I feel the spirit and God's love every day. Because I know I am doing what He wants me to do and I know I am being obedient. I pray that we can all find self-esteem in following Him who gave us life. The One who really matters and loves us perfectly. Not just merely have a testimony, but convert ourselves to Him. "Knowing that the gospel is true is the essence of a testimony. Consistently being true to the gospel is the essence of conversion. We should know the gospel is true and be true to the gospel" 

     Have a great week everyone!

Love,

Elder Trevor Aiken