Sayonara Tokyo! Final letter - week 105!

So sad to be leaving the people in Tokyo - I have loved my mission here!

     Hello all - I speak to you coming off of an amazing baptism of one of my amazing friends Yuuya who got baptized yesterday... at the first youth referral baptism since President Nagano got here. It was an amazing day to skype with him! What an amazing finish. With so many member appointments and last testimonies...saying goodbye to everyone, on-by-one throughout the week with final visits was hard. 

     Then we had an AMAZING culture night on Saturday with about 100 people! We had people from Mexico, Brazil, Indonesia, America, Hawaii, Kiribati, and of course Japan, make the food and it was so good! I went and said goodbye at the Brazil shop because they could not come to the culture night and the owner and his wife were so sad. The wife said, "Aiken, you are my son." And I said with tears in my eyes, "You are like my Mom." She just started sobbing and walked away to hide her tears and it was so tender for me. I love them so much. They could not come so they donated 75 of these little rolls filled with chicken, pork, and cheese. The nicest ever. 

     We also had people from Brazil, New Zealand, Hawaii, America, and Japan perform traditional dances or sing songs etc. It was so fun. That was hard saying goodbye to everyone. But nothing was as hard as saying goodbye yesterday.  I went up to speak in church and for the first time in MY WHOLE LIFE I had lost my voice. It is still gone. It is the first time I had ever spoken too much haha. And I speak A LOT. That is what it was like for me to leave these people. I finally pushed my voice too far and it left me. I went and spoke and afterwards the missionaries came up and sang with me because I did not have the voice to sing a solo like I had wanted. The idea then came to me that we would sing the first two verses in English and as a ward we would sing together in Japanese.  When we sang it together as a ward I lost it. I just started bawling. It was one of the hardest most tender moments of my life. 

     But the hardest came last night as I was teaching my last English class to this cute group of little kids when Kimura Shimai asked me to come upstairs and we went up to find a big surprise goodbye party for me. All of the youth went up and sang this traditional Japanese goodbye song and I lost it. I will miss them so much. It is so hard... Wow. Then I testified in my broken voice after a non-member husband of my favorite part-member family stood up and gave a goodbye toast for me and I was done. I have NEVER cried that much in my life. It has been the most bittersweet week of my life. And the most bittersweet two years. 

     And what an amazing ride it has been. The time is come. My last one. I cannot believe it... Time has never gone so fast. 

     It seems like yesterday I was waving my family goodbye and walking off into the MTC for my next two years, I have dreaded this day for so long now but honestly thought it would never come. I wish it would never end. A little two line poem I wrote says it best for me:

"If I could spend the time of Heaven, a Thousand Years to a day

This is the time I would choose to celebrate."

     I would give anything to have more time. I don't what to say to you in this last email... other than this mission is my most prized possession and it can never be taken away. It has been the happiest time of my life. My greatest joy. It was my smallest sacrifice, yet greatest reward. Because I honestly didn't lose anything. I only gained. And what I gained, I changed. Desires, direction, hope, love. All different and greater than I when I left. Because I decided that like the wisemen of old, I wanted to return home "another way." And with my head held high I can say I gave my all and did the best that I could. It wasn't a lot but it was enough because it is what the Lord asked of me. He called me to serve for two years and I have served my two years. It has been the best time of my life. Incomparably. It has changed my life. 

     The reason being because "when you willingly obey the principles of the gospel, you are changed by the Spirit of God to become incrementally more like Him. The degree of change with each small act of obedience may be small, but it is real and immediate. The full, cumulative and perfect realization of this process of change or sanctification happens only over time, but make no mistake that you are always changing, and that the effects of your obedience are immediate, whether for better or for worse, depending upon the voice you chose to follow." 

     I didn't really see my change to be honest. But looking back now -holy cow - I wouldn't give up this time for anything in the world because in so many way I am completely different. Saved. It wasn't easy, sure. It did not just come. 

Obedience was the price

Faith was the power

Love was the motive

The spirit was the key

And Christ was the reason.

     It took a lot of obedience, faith, love, and following the spirit, all for the right reasons. Love for the Lord. Yes it was the hardest thing I have ever done and there were many ups and downs. There were times when I was down on my knees breaking, begging, and pleading with God. So many times I thought I couldn't make it over that hump, but just like that and it's over. I came for Christ and just like He never gave up on me, and all people, I was not going to give up on Him, and these people. I stuck to it and it changed my life.

“Stick to your task ’til it sticks to you;

Beginners are many, but enders are few.

Honor, power, place and praise

Will always come to the one who stays.

“Stick to your task ’til it sticks to you;

Bend at it, sweat at it, smile at it, too;

For out of the bend and the sweat and the smile

Will come life’s victories after a while.”

"To dream the impossible dream;

To fight the unbeatable foe;

To bear with unbearable sorrow:

To run where the brave dare not go.

“To right the unrightable wrong;

To love, pure and chaste, from afar;

To try when your arms are too weary

To reach the unreachable star.”

―and you will thus become a finisher.

     I am humbly grateful that through the Lord's molding and grace (enabling power of the Atonement of a Jesus Christ) that I can say that I honestly felt I reached that unreachable star. This truly has been my Kolob of this life. I have never felt so close to my Father and my Savior. And I never want to leave. I have come to love a people, these Japanese people, with all of my heart. With all of my soul. They are everything to me. They are "wanderers in a strange land" in the "isles of the sea" and I promised them I would come find them. And I FOUND MY FRIENDS. They will forever be in my heart. They will forever be in my prayers. And I will forever look forward to the day when I will be able to live with them forever and there will be no more separation. No more of the  pain and sorrow and these people feel so much of in this country.

     I remember coming to this part of the vineyard thinking where am I? Japan? Konnichiwa! Like what does that even mean?? 

There were days I wanted to complain and I missed America. But just as I recalled then, I find myself recalling now, as I approach going back home to another part of the vineyard with the same attitude towards America now... as I had for Japan then.

Father, where shall I work today?”

And my love flowed warm and free.

Then he pointed out a tiny spot

And said, “Tend [Sandy] for me.”

I answered quickly, “Oh no, not that!

Why, no one would ever see,

No matter how well my work was done.

Not that little place for me.”

And the word he spoke, it was not stern; … 

"Art thou working for them or for me?

Nazareth was a little place,

And so was Galilee.”

     I remember thinking I am not even helping this little branch in the middle-of-nowhere Japan! Oh how naive I was. Oh how I miss that little branch and will miss every tiny spot in the vineyard where I was able to serve. Oh how I will miss having every second of my day have eternal worth and purpose, being in the Lord's work. 

     I will miss the culture, the food, having a companion, I will miss zone meetings and conferences, singing with an army of missionaries and have the spirit radiate, the 3 hour studies, dying for a nap on P-day, working with these Japanese members, praying with all of my heart and soul for an investigator I was about to commit to baptism the next day, freezing in the rain, dying in the heat, drinking wheat barley tea, politely declining every other tea haha, hating my bike, loving my bike, the hype of a transfer call, waking up in the morning and being almost certain it is still 10:30, getting yelled at in Japanese and pretending I don't understand them and in English say, I don't speak Japanese haha. 

     I will miss having the mantle of a missionary, dying to go out and work when I was sick even just one day, dying to go to the Tokyo temple, talking to every single person in the streets and trains and in homes, having strength and energy beyond my own, being tired beyond belief, hating looking at the suit and ties I have worn a billion times haha, having the muscle memory of putting on a shirt and tie in one minute, dying to understand a people, dying to have a people understand us, crying over this language, loving this language, eating way too much, going without dinner because there was no time to stop and eat, being dumbstruck by miracles, seeing more miracles, and more, being humbled every single day, hearing miracles from missionaries all around the world, thinking I have all the time in the world before I have to go home and worry about dating and being cool again haha. I will miss the simplicity of it all. Waking up and only having one purpose and one thing to do every day. The Lord's work and the Lord's will. But Most of all I will miss testifying to these people.

     But I know all these things I have experienced were given to me to grow and keep growing long after my mission. I know I must go home. The Lord is calling me a different way and I must go. But why is it so hard to say goodbye!? Because, as President Uchtdorf said, "in light of what we know about our eternal destiny, is it any wonder that whenever we face the bitter endings of life, they seem unacceptable to us? There seems to be something inside of us that resists endings. Why is this? Because we are made of the stuff of eternity. We are eternal beings, children of the Almighty God, whose name is Endless and who promises eternal blessings without number. Endings are not our destiny. The more we learn about the gospel of Jesus Christ, the more we realize that endings here in mortality are not endings at all. They are merely interruptions--temporary pauses that one day will seem small compared to the eternal joy awaiting the faithful.

How grateful I am to my Heavenly Father that in His plan there are no true endings, only everlasting beginnings."

     This is not goodbye. Only an everlasting beginning. I know I will see them again.  I honestly first came came to Japan almost as Lamoni's father. Saying to the Lord, I will give anything that thou ask. Even half of my Kingdom. My heart was not fully engaged. I was not willing to give everything. But as I look back now, I declare full heartedly that I would give away all of my sins to know Him! As Ammon, I would do anything to be able to stay here until the day I die. I wish I could have 14 years. But now it is time to head home and I am excited to see what the Lord has in store for me. I am excited to keep in touch with these people I love and see them continually progress. 

     As I look back on these past two years I have no better words to close with than the words of Ammon from Alma 26, with some slight altering to fit my situation. 

1 My brothers and my brethren, behold I say unto you, how great reason have we to rejoice; for could we have supposed when we started from [Utah] that God would have granted unto us such great blessings?

2 And now, I ask, what great blessings has he bestowed upon us? Can ye tell?

3 Behold, I answer for you; for our brethren, the [Japanese people], were in darkness, yea, even in the darkest abyss, but behold, how many of them are brought to behold the marvelous light of God! And this is the blessing which hath been bestowed upon us, that we have been made instruments in the hands of God to bring about this great work.

7 But behold, they are in the hands of the Lord of the harvest, and they are his; and he will raise them up at the last day.

8 Blessed be the name of our God; let us sing to his praise, yea, let us give thanks to his holy name, for he doth work righteousness forever.

9 For if we had not come up out of [Utah], these our dearly beloved brethren, who have so dearly beloved us, would still have been racked with hatred against us (Us being Christianity in many people's eyes in Japan), yea, and they would also (Also.. myself included) have been strangers to God.

11 I do not boast in my own strength, nor in my own wisdom; but behold, my joy is full, yea, my heart is brim with joy, and I will rejoice in my God.

12 Yea, I know that I am nothing; as to my strength I am weak; therefore I will not boast of myself, but I will boast of my God, for in his strength I can do all things; yea, behold, many mighty miracles we have wrought in this land, for which we will praise his name forever.

14 Yea, we have reason to praise him forever, for he is the Most High God, and has loosed our brethren from the chains of hell.

15 Yea, they were encircled about with everlasting darkness and destruction; but behold, he has brought them into his everlasting light, yea, into everlasting salvation; and they are encircled about with the matchless bounty of his love; yea, and we have been instruments in his hands of doing this great and marvelous work.

16 Therefore, let us glory, yea, we will glory in the Lord; yea, we will rejoice, for our joy is full; yea, we will praise our God forever. Behold, who can glory too much in the Lord? Yea, who can say too much of his great power, and of his mercy, and of his long-suffering towards the children of men? Behold, I say unto you, I cannot say the smallest part which I feel.

17 Who could have supposed that our God would have been so merciful as to have snatched [me] from [my] awful, sinful, and polluted state?

19 Oh then, why did he not consign [me] to an awful destruction, yea, why did he not let the sword of his justice fall upon [me] , and doom [me] to eternal despair?

20 Oh, my soul, almost as it were, fleeth at the thought...

23 Now do ye remember, my brethren, that we said unto our brethren in [Utah], we go up to [Japan], to preach unto our brethren, the [Japanese people], and they [said that it was hard to baptize there and that it would be hard but that is ok]?

24 For they said unto us: Do ye suppose that ye can bring the [Japanese people] to the knowledge of the truth? Do ye suppose that ye can convince the [Japanese people] of the incorrectness of the traditions of their fathers...

27 Now when our hearts were depressed, and we were about to turn back, behold, the Lord comforted us, and said: Go amongst thy brethren, the Lamanites, and bear with patience thine afflictions, and I will give unto you success.

28 And now behold, we have come, and been forth amongst them; and we have been patient in our sufferings, and we have suffered every privation; yea, we have traveled from house to house, relying upon the mercies of the world--not upon the mercies of the world alone but upon the mercies of God.

29 And we have entered into their houses and taught them, and we have taught them in their streets; yea, and we have taught them upon their hills...

30 And we have suffered all manner of afflictions, and all this, that perhaps we might be the means of saving some soul; and we supposed that our joy would be full if perhaps we could be the means of saving some.

31 Now behold, we can look forth and see the fruits of our labors; and are they few? I say unto you, Nay, they are many; yea, and we can witness of their sincerity, because of their love towards their brethren and also towards us.

35 Now have we not reason to rejoice? Yea, I say unto you, there never were men that had so great reason to rejoice as we, since the world began; yea, and my joy is carried away, even unto boasting in my God; for he has all power, all wisdom, and all understanding; he comprehendeth all things, and he is a merciful Being, even unto salvation, to those who will repent and believe on his name.

36 Now if this is boasting, even so will I boast; for this is my life and my light, my joy and my salvation, and my redemption from everlasting wo. Yea, blessed is the name of my God, who has been mindful of this people, who are a branch of the tree of Israel, and has been lost from its body in a strange land; yea, I say, blessed be the name of my God, who has been mindful of us, wanderers in a strange land (Japan).

37 Now my brethren, we see that God is mindful of every people, whatsoever land they may be in; yea, he numbereth his people, and his bowels of mercy are over all the earth. Now this is my joy, and my great thanksgiving; yea, and I will give thanks unto my God forever. Amen.

     I know this church is true. I know that God is mindful of all people and he loves all of his children. I know that our Savior lives, that Joseph Smith was a Prophet of God and that this church is true. I know we have a living prophet on the earth today because I know it was revelation that brought me here and that it was the Lord's will and no one can tell me different! Christ's church has been restored! I know it! I know God knows I know and I cannot deny it. Wherever I go, the Lord is my anchor, repentance is my path, prayer is my voice, and the scriptures are my guide. On and on to the victory!  Shall we not go on in so great a cause? 

Hurrah! Hurrah! Hurrah for Israel! To Zion!

I say all of these things from Japan... one last time...

I love you all so much. What a journey it has been. 

This is Elder Aiken signing off. Saying goodbye to the best two years... It was worth it

6 For I am now ready to be offered, and the time of my departure is at hand.

7 I have fought a good fight, I have finished my course, I have kept the faith:

エイケン長老～

Love,

Elder Trevor Aiken