"Can I please stay?"

My favorite family from Kawagoe!

     Hello - how are you all doing?  This last week was awesome! Maki is doing sooo good!! I have been having a phone lesson with her every night and it has been awesome! She hit this week and is so excited to get baptized but still a bit nervous. Her son Kazuki though is so excited. No worries at all! 

     On Saturday I had her give him the phone during our lesson and I said, "Kazuki, are you excited to get baptized with your mom this week?" "Ya!!" "Well this week your mom may have some low points and she will have temptations so I need your help. I need you to help her. I need you every day over and over again to remind her and show your excitement that you are getting baptized together. Every time just say, 'Hey mom we are getting baptized together right? Right? Right? Don't smoke mom! You can do it! You dont need it! We got this! We are doing this as a family right!?' I need you to elevate her ok?" He just said, "Ok! Ok! Ok! Ok! Ok!" He was so excited. He is only 11 but he is hyped. Please pray with all the energy of your soul that Maki can make it please! 

     On the phone last week she told me, "Elder Aiken, I can feel the power of so many people praying for me. I can feel their prayers. But I don't understand. I feel like I do not have that many friends that are members." I said "Maki you have friends praying for you all around the world! You have family praying for you all the around the world." With tears in her eyes she just told me, "I can feel those prayers." Please keep praying! She is so ready! 

     Then yesterday we did not have normal Sunday meetings. Elder Holland came and spoke at the Matsudo ward building which is the largest church in Japan with size and members with 300 plus members and it is our mission in the neighboring stake, so it was broadcast into 10 other stakes including our own. As I watched it, Elder Holland had so many insights - especially the part where he quoted 3 Nephi 17 5-7 where even though the people were too kind, respectful, and loving to beg the Savior to stay, they could not withhold the tears and the longing on their faces that expressed that heartfelt desire as if to say, "O Savior stay this night with me. Oh Savior stay this night with me. Don't go. Please. We have been waiting for you for thousands of years. We have been waiting for this our whole lives. Please don't go. Please don't go." (Quoting Elder Holland's words) 

     At that part I just began to weep. I could not stop crying as I imagined myself being there and I just cried because I miss my Savior so much. I cannot wait for the day that I will get to see him. The second reason I was weeping was because as he said those words I looked around at all the faces of these amazing Japanese people that I love and I too had compassion on them and wished to stay forever but sadly I can't. I cant'. I can't... and I found myself saying not just "O Savior stay with me, don't leave," but "Oh Savior let me stay. Don't make me leave." And I lost it. I was just sobbing during this meeting as the Spirit overcame me. Why does 2 years have to be so fast? Why does my soul have to long to be here this much? It breaks my heart. I have never known I could feel such love. It was such a powerful week for me. 

     We were able to have an Okonomiyaki party after church and that was unreal. For those who do not know what that food is please look it up. It is unreal I am not lying. 

     Today we are going to go bowling as a zone so that is way exciting! We will need to split our email time to do that. Plus we get to wear P-day clothes which is rare so I am hyped for that. I love the shirt and tie but when your white shirts are not that white anymore they lose a luster they once had haha. But it will be a fun pday. 

     Plus we are moving apartments on Wednesday so we are packing our whole apartment and that takes soooo much time and we had no boxes so we were so ghetto and we went to these grocery stores and took their free boxes. But we could not break them down so we carried these stacks through the streets and on the train and we got the dirtiest looks I have seen since America. But that was good stuff. Good week. 

     But anyway! I also wanted to share a thought I had this week as I read a quote from Elder Bednar. "There is no physical pain, no spiritual wound, no anguish of soul or heartache, no infirmity or weakness you or I ever confront in mortality that the Savior did not experience first." The focal point I want to take from this powerful promise is in connection to the most cliche line in the book. "No one understands what I am going through! No one knows I am feeling! No one understands." Almost just as cliche, though I would not say it is cliche because it is doctrine, is the answer, "The Savior does." Now I know this it technically true but I think the concept is a little off. We always say that the Savior understands what we are going through but it says the Savior experienced it "first." So in reality as we have these trials are we not just coming to know and understand him? Is that not why we are given trials and hardship? It is so we can come to understand and know just a glimpse of what he felt. Isn't that a more humbling way to look at it? Not that he just understands us, we can understand him. 

     From now on whenever I, or anyone I know has the thought that "no one understands me" or " no one knows what I am going through," I want to respond by saying "Well maybe not. But now you understand the Savior. No one will ever know or understand what he went through. You just experienced a little piece. Be grateful. You just came to know your Brother... just a little bit more." 

     I am so grateful for trials and hardship. Not because they are desirable or because they make me happy, but because when I feel like no one knows or understands, I finally feel like I know my Brother. And it keeps me humble. It keeps me relying on the Lord every day and that is what keeps me going. That is what keeps me repentant. I could never do it without him and trials are my friendly "reminder" that I can't. Aren't we so grateful for "reminders?" They remind us of our Redeemer. I love him. I have come to know my Brother on my mission. I miss him. But I will meet him again one day. And just as he overcame the world and the cross, we too can overcome ours, and live again with our Father!

Have a great week!

Love,

Elder Trevor Aiken